So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
