thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
