p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
