You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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