Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
