yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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