I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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