Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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