i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
