LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
