You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
