i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
