porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize