I hate your face
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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