Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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