If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
