You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
