Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
