and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
