Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
