ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
