So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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