All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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