I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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