she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
