Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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