His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
