Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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