would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
