I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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