I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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