i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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