I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
