I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just pee around me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize