no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
