those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
