i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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