in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish you could order shots online.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
jump out the window naked night went bad
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