I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
