You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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