Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
