Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
