Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
