Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
