We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
