i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
