Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
