If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
