Got a toothbrush?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They have beer where we have blood.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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