Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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