my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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