I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
