I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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