DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
