He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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