Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
