I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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