I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
