we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
