You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Are my feet made of real feet?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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