Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
