I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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