Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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