Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
