cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
