when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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