your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
