i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
