I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
