Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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