I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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