She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
