Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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