I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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