THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
