i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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