This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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