I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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