If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
