We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
