is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
