I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize