Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
