Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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