i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize