You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I pour the whiskey from now on
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
