Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
