Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
