I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
