Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
