Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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