i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
