I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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