This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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