Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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