My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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