he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
