Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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