I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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