Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
