One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
