Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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